MamaLaw #5 – The grace Period to lose the baby weight should be at least 1 year post-partum

Am I right? Perhaps this is an important law to me because GummiBear is already 9 months old and I am nowhere close to my pre-baby(#2) weight. Whatever the case, how is a new mom (and YES, I still consider myself a new mom) supposed to get her figure back any sooner? Let us review the impeding factors, shall we:

1) NO SLEEP
Really, do you need to see any more factors? I shouldn’t think so, but if you are from the School of Hard Knocks and believe that moms should have the endurance of a US Special Forces Soldier, then here are some more…

2) Breastfeeding
Time consuming, exhausting, difficult, and makes you hungry. Granted, not all moms breastfeed, but even if they don’t, the child still needs to be fed. All day. All night. Which takes us back to point #1.

3) NO SLEEP
See point #1.

4) No time/energy to cook
See above for reasons why. This means you are eating whatever you can get your hands on, no matter what time of day. If you are in the slim minority of women whose husbands cook the meals (first – keep it to yourself, you wretch) consider yourself fortunate. Otherwise, if you are like the rest of us and make the meals, then a new baby means no healthful meal planning or preparation and therefore, for the most part, unhealthy food choices.

5) NO SLEEP
Are we seeing a pattern?

6) No time/energy to exercise
Not to mention, if you were like me and your pelvis didn’t fall back into place until at least month-4-post-partum, the mere thought of getting on an elliptical machine caused you emotional trauma. You ever hear the medical advice that a woman should wait at least 9 months after giving birth before trying to conceive again because her body needs to recover? Well, hello! Your body is still recovering! I joined a lunchtime toning class at work and, the following happened:

instructor: “lie in your backs”

me (to myself): ok, no prob

instructor: “now lift both legs off of the ground until they are at a 90 degree angle with your torso”

me (to myself): ok, no prob

me (to myself): wait a minute, I could have sworn that I told my brain to lift my legs. why isn’t it working? Oh my god, I’m paralyzed! HELP. Oh wait, it’s just because I have NO ABDOMINAL MUSCLES.

True story.

7) NO SLEEP
It’s really annoying.

8) Priorities
So let’s say by some miracle you do get a free minute from your mommy-duties. Do you really want to spend it doing lunges? Or do you want to: call your bestfriend-watch your baby sleep-check your email-eat something-open the mail-watch Grey’s Anatomy-throw in a load of laundry-sleep-take a bubble bath-mop the floor or make love to your husband? [in that order, lol] That’s what I thought.

9) NO SLEEP
What day is it?

10) You don’t want to wake the baby.
Laugh if you want to, but this was/is a real concern for me. The elliptical squeaks extremely loudly and would most certainly wake a sleeping baby (for real!) Running up and down the hardwood stairs would make noise. As would jumping around to an aerobics tape. What am I supposed to do?? Sit-ups? Yoga? Stroller Strides? Who asked you anyway.

11) NO SLEEP
You try staying awake for 90 consecutive days. I dare you.

12) You just don’t feel like it.
Be real. Unless you were into fitness before, chances are you just don’t have the motivation to get out in the December weather to run 1.5 miles. Despite the fact that you have the “support” of your husband to “motivate” you by saying things like: “I think those pants are too tight”.

To which I would refer you to MamaLaw#1.

P.S.
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