*UPDATED* Never a Bridesmaid, Only a Bride

So one of my close college friends is getting married this fall and she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Of course I accepted without hesitation, because she is one of my very good friends and I am so happy to be able to share her special day with her.

Oh, and she doesn’t read this blog :)

Here’s the thing — her wedding is going to end up costing her bridesmaids an arm and a leg. A list of our expected costs:

Dress
Shoes
Accessories
Shower gift
Bachelorette Weekend in Vegas or Puerto Rico (airfare, hotel, food, other expenses)
Travel to the wedding, Hotel, Other expenses
Wedding gift

Maybe the problem is just my own since I will be on unpaid maternity leave in about 3 weeks, but I already forked over $260 for the bridesmaid dress and the prospect of spending close to $2000 when all is said and done is not an option for my household.

What I want to know is: at what point is a bride supposed to be conscious of the cost she is asking her maids to bear? Of course it’s her day and no one will say anything to her, but isn’t it a bit much to ask your friends to spend so much on your event? I’ve never been a bridesmaid before, so maybe this is standard operating procedure, but I know when I was planning my wedding, I was very aware that my bridesmaids would have to travel to my wedding and bear those costs, so I made sure to make everything else as affordable as possible. The dresses were $75; the shoes were $40 and I gave them the earrings I wanted them to wear as a gift. They all looked beautiful (if you ask me) and they didn’t need to break the bank.

So does anyone have any etiquette advice on this topic? Is the rule that it’s “her day” and she should be able to ask her friends to do whatever she wants? Or is there some level of courtesy that should be extended to her friends?

A potentially touchy subject, I know. But I’m curious…

HOW BIZARRE…
I was just on CNN.com reading the “Most Popular” section and saw this article, talking about this very subject. Seems that according to the bridal coach quoted in the article, the bride has the “responsibility to be compassionate and considerate.” Which makes me feel at least like I’m not crazy. But it’s still would be hard to say “no.” No?