This Week’s Word to the Wise

1. Make sure to check the weather forecast in the morning before you get dressed in a skirt and cotton blouse.  Just because it was 88 degrees when you LEFT home on Thursday for Miami does not mean that it will still be 88 degrees after you returned home on Monday.  If you do not check the weather, you may find yourself freezing at the bus stop, unable to go back home and change because you have to make an early-morning meeting at the office.  Checking the weather forecast will also ensure that you don’t find yourself in the grimy Rite-Aid bathroom trying to put on the pantyhose that you bought before rushing to catch the train.

2.  Don’t drink coffee at 9pm.  If you are an amateur coffee drinker, do not order the “Campfire Mocha” because it sounded “yummy” and you were excited to be out among the childless on a weekday evening and you thought it would be a cute idea to sit on the outdoor cafe patio and enjoy a warm drink.  If you do order it, you may find yourself completely wired and unable to go to sleep until 12:30am.  Even after you manage to close your eyes and somewhat fall asleep, you may toss and turn and end up waking up for the day at 4:00am, saying to yourself: “Oh! That’s why people order decaf!” {Most importantly, had you not drank the freakin’ drink in the first place, you wouldn’t have just realized that the fat content was 40 GRAMS when you went to hyperlink it to your blog post. Excuse me while I go vomit.}

3.  Finally, just because you got free tickets for the whole family to the very entertaining Nickelodeon Storytime Live show about 3 hours before the performance starts (from your wonderful, wonderful friend), does not mean that you should go. Especially since you started feeling like H-E-Double Hockey Sticks right before it was time to leave the house.  Not wanting to let your children down or risk your friend’s reputation with the PR firm, will cause you to end up shivering violently through Dora’s quest to save “Sleeping Boots” from the evil witch’s spell and almost crying thru dinner afterwards because you feel like you have the flu.

Just sayin’