It’s a touchy subject among moms.  In some circles, even the mention of hiring a nanny sends some women through the roof and elicits a whole lot of unsolicited judgements and criticisms.  If there is one thing I have learned to not do in my 6 years of being a parent, it’s to judge another mom about her decisions related to her family.  I recently met a mom at my daughter’s bus stop who stays and home with her 5 kids and has a nanny to help her.  She was totally afraid to even tell me for fear of that I would judge her.  Not me! Whatever works for you and you family is what matters.  And another thing I learned? Hiring a nanny was the best thing we could have done 3 years ago.

Before you get all worked up making all sorts of assumptions, let me share with you some insights from Candi Wingate, author of The Nanny Factor: A Parent’s Guide to Finding the Right Nanny for Your Family, and an expert in this field.

I had the opportunity to interview Candi about her book and some of the real considerations parents need to take into account when making childcare decisions for their families.  Candi’s qualifications are extensive; she’s worked as a nanny, worked at a nanny agency, owns a nanny agency of her own and has a nanny for her children.

We started out by talking about all of the things parents worry about when embarking on the search for the perfect nanny: Is she the right person? How much do I have to pay? Do we need to do a background check? At a time when you are anxious and preparing to bring in a stranger to care for your child, emotions are running high and it can be such a stressful time. Trust me.  But hiring a nanny is a very real option for many families. And a lifesaving one! In her new book, Candi helps to debunk some common myths about hiring a nanny:

Myth No. 1: Nannies are only for wealthy families
So not true! In fact, it’s been found that working families are the the ones that use nannies the most.  For a family with 2 children – and I can attest to this – hiring a nanny can be more cost effective than daycare.  A nanny can also assist working parents by filling in the gaps between school and work hours, helping with school and activity drop offs and pick ups, and caring for the children on school holidays while allowing parents to go to work.  They can also help with housework and allow working parents to spend their precious few hours at home spending quality time with their kids instead of folding laundry!

Myth No. 2: Nannies must work full-time
Not true! There are so many options when looking for a nanny to fit your family’s schedule and budget.  Nannies can work part-time, or you can look into nanny-share arrangements (where you share your nanny with another family based on your schedule needs).  According to Candi, of the families who responded to her surveys, 46.9 percent of the nannies worked part-time, with a range of hours per week varying from under 10 to 30.  Nanny arrangements can come in all shapes and forms – they can live in your home (or not), and they can even travel with you on vacation.

Myth No. 3: A nanny is not safe.
This is a biggie. And a valid concern. But also not true.  Candi shares in her book that “[i]n a study that compared children who recieved home care, center-based care, and other forms of out-of-home child care, the rate of minor injuries was highest in the center-based care, but there was not a significant difference among the three.”  Of course, parents should take precautions when looking for a childcare provider.  Background checks are always a good idea (there are many services that can do this for an affordable fee), and I recommend inviting the nanny in for a “test” run where you or a trusted person can watch her interaction with the kids.  Checking previous work references is also key.

Myth No. 4: I will not know what is going on in my house if I hire a nanny
Also not true. In The Nanny Factor, Candi shares that by setting up your communication systems at the start of your relationship, you will know everything that your child did that day. She recommends keeping a nanny journal, a daily reporting book where your nanny records important milestones, successes and challenges of the day.  I love receiving pictures via text from our nanny of my kids at the park or on a field trip.  Those pictures brighten my day!

Myth No. 5: Hiring a nanny is too complicated
Believe me, it’s not a walk in the park.  But! Totally worth the effort.  Nanny agencies, like Nannies4Hire.com (Candi’s agency), can help guide you through the process.  You can search online databases of available nannies and  see their picture, experience, health status, education and more.

Myth No. 6: A nanny will only take care of child-related things
Oh-so-not-true!  The scope of your nanny’s duties is something that will be discussed and agreed upon at the outset of your relationship.  According to Candi, a nanny is an asset to a family and, in most cases, will help your house run smoothly. {I can vouch for this!} The most important criterion is not to burden a nanny with non-child related activities and detract from their primary responsibility: the care of your child.  About 77 percent of the nannies who responded to our first survey in 2009 are doing child related activities (homework, errands, birthday parties, housework, laundry and meal perparation) while 19 percent are involved in famliy duties. In 2010, 79 percent are doing more that just watching children. When you get ready to hire your nanny, see how your nanny can help your family as a whole.

And those are the most common myths and facts to combat them.  Some additional tips she shared with me were to:

• set expectations from the start
• keep the lines of communication open
• treat your nanny with respect

I couldn’t imagine working full time without having our nanny.  She has truly been a blessing to our family.  The most important thing to remember is to do what works for you and to ignore what everyone else has to say.

A big thanks to Candi for taking the time to talk to me.  You can purchase The Nanny Factor here.

This post cross-posted on Justice Fergie

Here’s the story. When our nanny started back in January, DD fell off her bike and hit her head. Of course there was a huge bump and a bruise. It was difficult for me and DH to handle because she had never fallen before and this was her first bruise – the tough part was that she had just spent the first year of her life with me and nothing (except her falling off the bed at seven months) had ever happened. So within the nanny’s first month of the with DD we had this incident. Then about 2 or 3 days after, DD fell and scraped her knee.

We accepted that she was at that stage where she had just started to walk and was still quite clumsy and accidents were inevitable. DH always points out however that although accidents happen while she’s with us – there have been no bruises or serious injuries.

So, Monday afternoon, DD who was deliriously tired because she is teething and did not nap, jumped off the sofa chasing the kitten and bumped her head on the coffee table. She is bruised a little – nothing too serious. It was a little black and blue, but nothing that a little Iodex couldn’t heal. The nanny is absolutely distraught. I believe that she was very remorseful that DD had sustained another injury while she was at home with her. Then she dropped the bomb – she said that she didn’t think that she could keep up with DD anymore and was too afraid of another injury occurring and that she wanted to quit – for DD’s safety.

I thought she was over-reacting and asked her to think about it. Anyway, 2 days later, I asked her whether she had given her resignation any more thought and she said no. So, I figured what the he!! …. you’re really just going to quit!!!!!!!!!!!! What am I supposed to do now?!?!?!?!

The nanny sincerely loves DD and DD loves the nanny very much. I trust the nanny and I believe that she takes good care of DD. DH however believes that we should not beg the nanny to stay because if she believes that she can’t keep up with DD then the chances of another injury are high.

So, we’re in a pickle right about now. We have one week to find a replacement. One week!!!!! DH wants to explore some daycare centers, but I know that that’s not going to work out for us because we both work crazy hours and most daycare centers close at 6 p.m. on.the.dot!!!!

One week….one week. Let’s hope that something works out for us. I’ll keep you posted on my progress.

Last week was the bearer of some particularly stressful news. And no, it wasn’t the news about poor old Paris having to tough it out without her Sidekick for 45 days – the bad news was that Nini is moving because she got the opportunity to purchase a single family home. And of course, ordinarily when someone buys a home you are elated for them and excited and supportive and you can’t wait to visit with a stylish little housewarming gift from Pier 1. Ordinarily. Too bad for us, Nini is moving 26 miles away. So no matter which way you look at it, we have to find a new babysitter for our precious little gals. Oh and one more thing. She is moving on Saturday. Yes, yes, that’s right – this coming Saturday. Which means we had a grand total of 2 weeks to find a new Nini, and folks that’s just impossible.

And I know what you’re thinking: “Why didn’t she tell you sooner?” “Didn’t you know she was house hunting?” And I will woefully answer you: “It’s a long story having to do with the nature of her homebuyer’s program blah blah blah” and “No.” And really, after pulling all of my hair out and chewing my nails to the quick, I’ve accepted all of that and moved on. But then came the daunting task of trying to find a replacement.

Of course I immediately sent out a Panicked Working Mother Nanny Alert to every acquaintance I knew. My mommy group, my church family, my book club, heck, if you’ve sent me an email in the last 365 days, you probably got an email from me too. [Sorry "?.?. ???????????@aol.com" I know you speak Russian and probably are offering the greatest mortgage rates around, but would you be a doll and just check to see if you know anyone who knows a great nanny? m' kay, thanks!] And I hit all of the classifieds and message boards I could think of. Then came the emails, phone calls and interviews. And, OH YEAH, I’ve had to squeeze in 9-hour workdays, family time and entertaining an out-of-town guest in between all of that. So, I won’t bore you with details of it all, but let me just say that the pickins’ are slim out there folks. Between shady-looking home daycares, nannies who want a company car and stock options and those who can only communicate with you via hand gestures and their 6-year-old son as a translator, it’s rough.

And then the guilt sets in. You know, the Working Mommy Guilt.

Which is the reason why I am up blogging at 5:00am. I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. I am completely stressed and now that we have exactly 3 days to find Mary Poppins, I am panicked. We finally found someone that we really liked and were very comfortable with, who was great with the girls and very personable. I exhaled. We agreed on her hours and rate over the weekend, informed all of our other prospects that we had found someone, and we invited her over for dinner last night. But she called to cancel at 4pm. Inhale. She found a family that was willing to pay her more $ for less hours. And so. It was all I could do not to burst into tears while holding the phone and nicely diced veggies in the other. In any event, that door closed and, by the way, I still have tons of chicken marinating in a lovely red wine vinegar marinade should any of you be interested.

Ironically, yesterday around 5pm, Nini called to inquire as to whether our offer that she come to our home to care for the kids was still on the table. She says that she is attached to the girls and would like to stay with them as she couldn’t bear to have them be watched by complete strangers. And so, while this is good news, I can’t help but worry. If we thought that 26 miles was too far to drive to take our girls to her, how can 26 miles not be too far for her to drive to come to us? Will she be on time? What if there’s traffic? What about her school-aged kids? Hubby says I am worrying for nothing and I just need to thank God for intervening. And I am thankful, believe me. But I still can’t sleep.

I’m working on the eating part though. Archway Molasses Cookies taste pretty good at 5am.

In case you were wondering.